Favorite Quote IX: "I Am a Field, an Experience"

I am a field, an experience. One day, once and for all, something was set in motion which, even during sleep, can no longer cease to see or not to see, to feel or not to feel, to suffer or be happy, to think or rest from thinking, in a word to ‘have it out’ with the world. There then arose, not a new set of sensations or states of consciousness, not even a new monad or a new perspective, since I am not tied to any one perspective but can change my point of view, being under compulsion only in that I must always have one, and can have only one at once—let us say, therefore, that there arose a fresh possibility of situations. The event of my birth has not passed completely away, it has not fallen into nothingness in the way that an event of the objective world does, for it committed a whole future, not as a cause determines its effect, but as a situation, once created, inevitably leads on to some outcome. There was henceforth a new ‘setting’, the world received a fresh layer of meaning. In the home into which a child is born, all objects change their significance; they begin to await some as yet indeterminate treatment at his hands; another and different person is there, a new personal history, short or long, has just been initiated, another account has been opened. My first perception, along with the horizons which surrounded it, is an ever-present event, an unforgettable tradition; even as a thinking subject, I still am that first perception, the continuation of that same life inaugurated by it. In one sense, there are no more acts of consciousness or distinct Erlebnisse in a life than there are separate things in the world.

—Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception (Colin Smith, trans.), Taylor and Francis e-Library, 2005, p. 473.

The Luminous Quality of Being

At the heart of Maurice Merleau-Ponty's philosophy in Phenomenology of Perception is ambiguity. This ambiguity is the philosophy's strength, rather than a weakness. Because the human being in the world is in the end not completely definable because she is never completely definite. We are situated beings in an ongoing project of co-existence with others within the field of the world. When we realize the unfolding nature of existence, and our implication within it, we no longer see ourselves as either simply "subjects" or "objects"; we are "situated, contingent* beings".

The implications of this are stunning. We are certainly free, but our situatedness implies a responsibility to act in coherent welfare with other human beings and the field of the world. We have a duty to enhance existence not only for ourselves but for all.

Merleau-Ponty's philosophy is both more optimistic than Sartre's and more enchanting. He continually remarks upon the wonder of perceiving the world, the magic of being within it, and the luminous quality of the things in the universe. While I'm glad I read Being and Nothingness first, I'm exceedingly joyful that I did not stop with that book, but pressed on to Phenomenology of Perception.† I'll be reckoning with Merleau-Ponty's philosophy for the rest of my life.

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*The 'contingent' aspect of this philosophy strongly reminds me of the Buddhist principle of paticcasamuppāda, or dependent co-arising.

†I also highly recommend reading Monika M. Langer's book Merleau-Ponty's Phenomenology of Perception: A Guide and Commentary as well. While Phenomenology of Perception is far more accessible than Being and Nothingness, it is still a difficult book, and Langer's guide and commentary is very helpful in clarifying it.

Ten Books I Cannot Live Without (11 November 2011 Edition)

Every so often I practice a fun mental exercise: I list the top ten books I cannot live without. The list changes from time to time, but it gives me a snapshot of my values and interests at the time I compose it. This morning, I made a new list. Here it is:

• Bray, Kingsley M., Crazy Horse: A Life, (2006). Of all the human beings who have lived, Tȟašúŋke Witkó (Crazy Horse) is my #1 hero. He was a leader, but also an outsider; he was extremely generous, but also modest and retiring; and he did his best to serve his people during a time of great change and destruction. I will always study his life.
• Bryant, Edwin F., The Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali: A New Edition, Translation, and Commentary with Insights from the Traditional Commentators, (2003). Patañjali's text has only a little to do with what we think of Yoga in the US (which is specifically the exercises of Hatha Yoga), and a lot to do with the why of Yoga; Bryant's edition includes such an extensive commentary that it includes virtually all traditional schools of Indian philosophy, including Buddhist, Jain and Islamic; the book really serves as a very good survey of Indian philosophy en toto.
• Likosky, Stephan, Coming Out: An Anthology of International Gay and Lesbian Writings, (1992). Likosky's excellent anthology covers the array of lesbian and gay life and issues, and it is in a way a snapshot of the movement at the time; furthermore, Likosky's book is unabashedly left-leaning, which is rare today. Finally, and most importantly, this book is out of print, so if you ever see it on a second-hand bookstore's shelf, buy it!.
• Mair, Victor H. (trans.), Tao Te Ching, (1990). I've had in my possession over time perhaps a dozen translations of Tao Te Ching and it is very difficult to isolate just one I cannot do without. I chose Mair's because it companions well with the Chuang Tzu (see below), and because it is a good, intelligent translation in its own right.
• Mair, Victor H. (trans.), Wandering on the Way: Early Taoist Tales and Parables of Chuang Tzu (1994). I have seen a few translations of Chuang Tzu, but almost always they are of the so called "Inner Chapters", the first seven chapters. Mair's book includes all 33 chapters, which makes it indispensible for studying Taoism.
• Merleau-Ponty, Maurice, Phenomenology of Perception (Colin Smith, trans.) (1996). I'm halfway through this text right now, and I can tell I will be wrestling with it for years. In a nutshell, Merleau-Ponty rectifies the mind-body duality that re-entered Western philosophy with René Descartes, by identifying the body as neither an object nor a subject, but something ambiguous in between. His book brings the wonders of perception of the luminous world back into Western philosophy.
• Montaigne, Michel de, The Complete Works (Donald M. Frame, trans.) (1998). Montaigne's œuvre really was a lifelong examination of the Self, in all it's beauty and failings. He's a humanist's humanist.
• Oates, Whitney J., The Stoic and Epicurean Philosophers: The Complete Extant Writings of Epicurus, Epictetus, Lucretius, Marcus Aurelius (1940). Of all philosophical systems, Taoism, Existentialism and Stoicism are the ones I find most useful for daily living. In addition to admiring Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, I've recently begun to be intrigued by the Epicureans, whose philosophy is deeper than most people have been led to believe.
• RE/Search Publications, RE/Search #12: Modern Primitives (1989). This was the book that brought to light the world of tattooing, piercing and scarification. It is filled with interviews of people who have chosen to get tattoos, piercings and ritual scarring, and introduced the world to the philosophy and psychology behind these choices.
• Sartre, Jean-Paul, Being and Nothingness (Hazel E. Barnes, trans.) (1984). This is the primary text of Existentialism, and another book I will be wrestling with for the rest of my life. After thickly laying a foundation of his understanding of reality, Sartre hints at the possibilities of an extensive, comprehensive and useful ethos for living in the world.

Thanks for indulging me in the publication of this list. Very likely it will change some more in six months time.

Gay Sex, Barebacking and Condoms

There's no question that bareback sex (anal penetration without a condom) is on the rise among gay men. The act is inherently risky. Even if two people are HIV negative, and in a relationship that is ostensibly monogamous, there is no guarantee one or the other partner will not stray, sero-convert and bring home the infection. Clearly, if anal penetration is part of someone's repertoire, condoms are the best way to go.

The problem as I see it is that HIV/AIDS prevention educators have not done the best job they could have done in this arena. I do not fault their earnestness, their dedication (usually involving long, unpaid or underpaid hours), nor the intent of their efforts. I came out in the early 90s, and I remember the intensity of the education efforts, and even did some volunteer work with an organization in a major southern city. I believe in the effort to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS, and I have tremendous love and respect for the lives and work of prevention educators. But I find two ways I think they should have approached the topic differently.

First, they should have been honest from the beginning and said that condoms really, really suck. They decrease sensitivity dramatically, especially if the wearer is circumcised. If one has experienced bare sex, wearing a condom feels almost as if one's partner in sex might as well be in another room. This especially becomes an issue when the lack of sensation leads to the loss of erection. The bottom line is that a lot of men cannot top with a condom on. It becomes physically impossible for them, unless they choose to take expensive erection-enhancement pills. But even those able to sustain erections won't feel nearly as much with a condom on. Educators should have been honest and up front about this aspect from the very beginning. They should have made a point of saying, "Look it's too bad, but anal penetration sex acts are just going to be a lot more work and a lot less fun so long as AIDS is a possibility. Still it is the mature, responsible and compassionate thing to always wear a condom when penetrating a partner." Had they been honest, instead of all these campaigns which tried to either minimize the difference, or even eroticize condoms, I think their campaigns would've had more traction.

Second, they should have more actively celebrated the other ways of having sex than anal penetration. I think as a legacy of the "gay 70s" anal penetration somehow became the sine qua non of gay sex, and other forms of intimacy/sexual activity were regarded as not being "real sex". This is a shame. Let's face it, hands wrapped around a penis are more nimble and dextrous than an anal sphincter wrapped around a penis. Mutual masturbation is a fantastic, enjoyable and very intimate form of sexual activity. It should have been celebrated, promoted and, hell, even sanctified as the best possible gay sex. Second to the brain itself, one's hands are among one's greatest, most versatile sex organs. Hands and the digits on them, can do many wonderful things. (For that matter, one's digits can be used for prostate stimulation if a "bottom" requires it.) Educators should have taken the opportunity to redirect gay men's attention toward all the wonderful things they could do and the great variety of sexual possibilities available to them, instead of emphasizing only the mechanics of anal sex with a condom.

I think there was a missed opportunity in HIV/AIDS prevention education, and I think that barebacking was an understandable response to this failure to deal honestly with the facts of anal sex and condoms. Unfortunately, young men will die because of this.

Condemned to Be Free

I dare not attempt a recap of Being and Nothingness, for fear of committing abject butchery of the topic. I freely admit I didn't understand half of what I read. But I did glean some insights from the text, and think it is worth reading, re-reading and studying.

We are free because regardless of any situation we find ourselves in, we have choices. What we choose will be based on what we value most, and what we value most is based on our image of ourselves, in part from choices we've made in the past. We are 'projects' of ourselves. We can make radical breaks in choices, and remake ourselves into new projects. But to try to deceive ourselves about our freedom or our essence is to act in bad faith.

Although we did not 'ask to be born' we are nonetheless fully responsible for our lives; choosing not to choose is still a choice. Our freedom consists in what we do with what has been done to us, including what we have done to ourselves in the past.

There are things in Sartre I do not agree with (for instance, I think he'd be appalled by the idea of a sexual 'orientation' - for him it would always be a 'preference'), but I find his radical assertions of freedom and responsibility to be challenging.

I have other philosophy texts to consider, but I am not through with existentialism. Aside from an anthology of Sartre by Cumming, I also have two anthologies of existentialist texts in general (Kaufman and Marino) and a study of Mulla Ṣadrā that takes an existentialist view of his philosophy. And sooner or later it will be time to read Camus's The Plague for a third time.

Freedom and Responsibility

You know you've deemed a book to be very important to you if you shape your weekend schedule around reading it. I've been working on Jean-Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness since late August*, and I'm finally nearing the end of it. Since I tend to read very well on long stretches of public transportation, I decided to make two shopping trips out to the 'burbs so that I could get a little shopping done, and a lot of reading done (105 pages over the course of the weekend). I'll write more about this text later, but I have to say that the five pages I read yesterday on "Freedom and Responsibility"** were among the most enlightening, profound and ultimately useful words in philosophy that I've ever read, and they made the rest of the book worth struggling through.

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*corrected; I originally wrote "early September".

**Section III of "Chapter One: Being and Doing: Freedom" in "Part Four: Having, Doing and Being".)

Quote, VIII

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

—Orson Welles