After sticking diligently to the paleo diet for one day, I
already feel better. I woke up not feeling quite so ‘poisoned’. I’d noticed a
few days back, while still eating whatever I wanted, that I felt awful in the
mornings, regardless of whether I’d had any alcohol the day before. I realized
it was the starches that were making me feel bad. And again, after trying the
paleo for just one day, I feel better. How did I ever let myself forget that?
Starches are like drugs: I feel better right after eating
them, but I feel much worse in the long run. After I get back into the paleo
groove for a while, of course I’ll allow myself an ‘off’ meal from time to time
(otherwise, I’d have difficulty ever eating away from home); but I hope I never
fall off the wagon so completely again.
As I mentioned yesterday, the issue really revolves around
motivation. I want to feel better, and be able to be more active. But the ideas
of ‘feeling better’ and ‘being more active’ lack the deep emotional resonance
and power that will keep me on the paleo path. ‘Feeling good’ sounds great on
paper, but the actual quality of feeling good is subtle, not some constant,
overwhelming mood of ecstasy. Therefore while feeling good is definitely one of
the best reasons for sticking to this diet, it lacks the emotional ‘oomph’ to
keep me at it day in and day out.
What would provide that ‘oomph’? Feeling sexy would be
great, if I could somehow manifest that feeling of sexiness without actually
having to deal with sex itself.* If I could feel sexy within myself without
having to pursue outward expressions to bolster that feeling, I’d be fine with
that.
Another motivation, one that may sound a little heartless,
is enjoying not being like the average US citizen. When Mr. and Mrs. Redstate
Fatass go waddling through the tourist areas of DC, I tell myself I really,
really do not want to be like them. I really, really want to stand out from
them, and be physically and spiritually different from them. I know this
carries the odor of superiority and elitism, but I find it also has a lot of
emotional resonance with me. So long as I don’t follow those thoughts down the
path to heartlessness, perhaps I will be okay.
*This will require a long explanation, which I’ll postpone for later.
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