31 July 2012


After sticking diligently to the paleo diet for one day, I already feel better. I woke up not feeling quite so ‘poisoned’. I’d noticed a few days back, while still eating whatever I wanted, that I felt awful in the mornings, regardless of whether I’d had any alcohol the day before. I realized it was the starches that were making me feel bad. And again, after trying the paleo for just one day, I feel better. How did I ever let myself forget that?

Starches are like drugs: I feel better right after eating them, but I feel much worse in the long run. After I get back into the paleo groove for a while, of course I’ll allow myself an ‘off’ meal from time to time (otherwise, I’d have difficulty ever eating away from home); but I hope I never fall off the wagon so completely again.

As I mentioned yesterday, the issue really revolves around motivation. I want to feel better, and be able to be more active. But the ideas of ‘feeling better’ and ‘being more active’ lack the deep emotional resonance and power that will keep me on the paleo path. ‘Feeling good’ sounds great on paper, but the actual quality of feeling good is subtle, not some constant, overwhelming mood of ecstasy. Therefore while feeling good is definitely one of the best reasons for sticking to this diet, it lacks the emotional ‘oomph’ to keep me at it day in and day out.

What would provide that ‘oomph’? Feeling sexy would be great, if I could somehow manifest that feeling of sexiness without actually having to deal with sex itself.* If I could feel sexy within myself without having to pursue outward expressions to bolster that feeling, I’d be fine with that.

Another motivation, one that may sound a little heartless, is enjoying not being like the average US citizen. When Mr. and Mrs. Redstate Fatass go waddling through the tourist areas of DC, I tell myself I really, really do not want to be like them. I really, really want to stand out from them, and be physically and spiritually different from them. I know this carries the odor of superiority and elitism, but I find it also has a lot of emotional resonance with me. So long as I don’t follow those thoughts down the path to heartlessness, perhaps I will be okay.

*This will require a long explanation, which I’ll postpone for later.

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