I thought it would be helpful to outline what I’m up against when it comes to posting a profile on a dating site, and furthermore finding someone to date. More specifically, who I am as a person limits my appeal, and the appeal of others to me, and that will make it much more difficult for me to find someone. Here’s a summary:
Agnostic: I’ve tried very hard to make myself believe, but I cannot. I really, really wanted to believe because I think having a faith community makes it easier to find a life partner. Being among people of the same faith gives one a ‘family’ and a pool of persons one can draw closer to, especially if there are a number of lgbt persons in the faith community. But I cannot fake believing in God, particularly the one of the Abrahamic religions. I’ve tried. And I could get along with Buddhists if it weren’t for the fact so many white Buddhists are as bad as Evangelical Christians. Some seem to view carnivory with the same horror Evangelicals view the Folsom Street Fair. I don’t want that judgementalism in my life.
Metro-dependent: I haven’t driven in 18 years. I don’t want to drive. Therefore the exurbs (and all their denizens) are as remote to me as Richmond or Philadelphia is to someone with a car. I’d prefer not to have a long-distance relationship, and that includes the long-distance of DC’s exurbs.
Trying to lose weight: Gay men in DC mostly fall into two camps: the gymbots who’re already fit, and the rest who’ve given up, embraced obesity and even call themselves ‘bears’. I fall into neither camp. I’m trying to lose weight, which means watching what I eat, cutting down on and/or cutting out certain very common foods, and trying to get some exercise in, without turning fitness into a full-time job. It would be nice to meet someone who could support that effort.
Living with a weird cat: Manuel is special, and he doesn’t take kindly to visitors. He sheds like a beast, too, and getting all his dander off me is impossible.
Bookish, but with a certain pop culture streak: I love reading, but I also love watching Teen Wolf and listening to Pierce the Veil. I actually have a fairly low tolerance for art films, having seen more than my fair share during one particular relationship several years ago. That carries over into going to the theater, which to me is usually nothing more than an excessively expensive live-action art film. When it comes to “art”, I’ve paid my dues.
Into tattoos and piercings, and wanting more: this is definitely not mainstream in DC.
Not drinking (alcohol nor doing drugs): In DC this is even more non-mainstream than being tatted and pierced. Usually those who aren’t drinking in DC are going to meetings. I don’t go to meetings; I’ve simply decided I don’t like who I am when alcohol disinhibits me (i.e., I become even more of an asshole!). And since I want to avoid for the time being venues that remind me of drinking (and consequently tempt me to drink), there is quite a list of places I do not go to. Not only that, but I’ve just started building a list of places I can go to that I don’t associate with alcohol. It’s almost like I’m straightedge, without the bullshit obnoxious attitude.
Introverted: I like people, but dealing with people takes energy away from me. Usually at the end of a workday, I’ve a very small fund of energy to draw from.